Fresh Thoughts-Journal Entry 2009

Well this has been a roller coaster of a year for myself and my family. Not only have my parents moved away, my sister and her kids have moved out of state as well. My emotions have took a nose dive literally and I've been feeling miserable the past month or two. So, What's new?

I have enjoyed the change even though it has been one of the toughest to bare in my life. But, overall I have to end this year on a really thankful note.

Thinking back since the end of last year soooo much has happened. Good happenings to bad, sad and lonely, depressing and joyful. Almost every kind of feeling has crossed my body at one point or another.

First off I have to make a shout out to my husband who has been the best friend anyone could ask for. We have had dramatic ups and downs this past year. Just only being together for coming into our 5th year; we have experienced the loss of loved ones not once, twice but over three times. We have fought about finances, jealousy, jobs, the kids school and so on. But we have managed to stay positive through all our negative thoughts and keep our marriage together.

We have moved more than five times since we have been together. This is wayyyy more than anyone should have to move in their lives!! We started off in a small; I think 500 sq ft town home; to our current home now at 1500 sq ft. Let me tell you people, Huge Difference!! Living here now for almost two wonderful years.

This past year we have almost lost our home, had our utilities shut off at one point, sad to say while company was here of all days. Thankfully we had enough to have it turned back on the same day. Thank God and thank you hunnie for putting up with my whirl wind of emotions, loving me unconditionally!! I love you!

Our oldest daughter hates school and is failing fourth grade. This has been my utmost frustration because I want more than anything for our kids to succeed at whatever it is they do. She has been tutored and has our help all the time, but she just isn't happy trying to learn something new. She is so much like me its crazy. My husband has been the best role model for her. He sits with her everyday and walks her through each step. Now she is actually enjoying the work a little more each day. The little one fits me to a "T", she loves singing and is so smart..maybe a little too smart for her age..well you can never be too smart. But, she excellerates at everything she does and reassures me that I'm doing a good job as a mother. I'm so proud of both of my girls this year. They not only have tried hard to learn, they listen more from my words of wisdom and I appreciate myself more for knowing that I have instilled such good morals, values and life lessons in them. Love you my amazing girls!

Not only have we elected our first African American/Muslim president, our world has made some changes I see. I'm not one to watch the new every time it is on or pay attention to our political side of life, but I'm slowly starting to get involved with learning about what is going on in the world. I have to say it is a good feeling to know that we do have many people who care so much for the well being of our earth and ways of life.

I started my change of eating habits and have started a workout log to losing weight before and after the holidays. So far since I started running four miles a day I have lost almost 15 pounds. Stretched out within the last 6 months but I would say its a good start.

I'm back to feeling like a kid again too since I decided to get braces and maybe help out my self esteem on my image. This has also been a good way for me to lose weight because there are certain things I just can't eat anymore...R.I.P (Spare Ribs) lol

At least until these darn things come off in a year or two. :(

Family time has sky rocketed. We play more board games with the girls, rent more family movies and I have started to let the girls cook and bake when I can.

We have had some of our first family outings like picnics in the mountains and long drives into other small towns around our area. Sampled a few winery's around and dinned out quit a bit this year, which by the way we probably should NOT have. But I'd say this year has definitely brought us together as a family.

I have had time to get to know the Internet and OOoopps I did it again..I'm in love!!

I found my circle of life, Twitter, Facebook and Myspace, ohh and have to add in my new blogging experience. I have to admit that these ways of my life have made me really find a whole new me. Since joining these sites I have been able to catch up on lots of lost time with a ton of my school mates and very good friends. I have found out too just how wonderful friendship really can be. Myself being shy in person, I have to admit I have come out of my shell now that I am able to let out what is on my mind.

Through all the backstabbing of lost friends, I have gained more true friends this year that ever.

My husband and I have been fortunate to take a few trips to the ocean this year and I was able to have lunch with some old friends that I haven't seen in years. It was nice to be able to know that through all the years lost we can sit down talk like the day was yesterday since we were last together. Love u Jenn & Family <3

The list goes on and on with my lives and learns. The top "learn" would have to be that no matter how much you lose in life, in the end you will gain a fortune..even if it isn't a million dollars. :)

Although a million dollars would make my world spin round and I would be the happiest person in the world...hey its good to have dreams right? lol

Money does make one happy, this I know from experience. At the beginning of this year we went from having it all. I never had to scrounge for change or even care how much I spent out shopping. But I have learned to limit myself and be thankful for what I have. Not too many people out there understand how to do that..just yet. But you will.

I still remain closer than ever with my parents and my sister. We talk on the phone almost everyday. TG for unlimited long distance!! Now my grandma is at her summer home here while it is freezing cold where her winter home is. So it's been nice to be able to get back into the swing of things with her playing cards and putting puzzles together.

Times like this year really do make a person enjoy what life has to offer.

So, I'm getting ready to head into another year of living and learning. I'm all prepared to face the worst and gain whatever it is that comes through my life.

I will do this knowing I have the best of friends, family and the Internet to keep me sane and going strong.

I hope everyone has the best Christmas and Wonderfully Prospering New Year!!!

2010 here I come...you better watch out world. ;)

Love, Peace & God Bless Everyone!!

Sincerely,

Steph.

Harsh Critics & My Reply-Inspired by Julie Powel

I just finished watching the movie Julie & Julia and I must say I was very amused by it. Not only did it bring inspiration to many people, it gave me a reason to comment on the cruel judging reviews that critics are remarking about for Julie's new book.
Not many people are liking the fact that Julie not only writes about her cooking passion but she also mentions her sex life and the affair that took place in her marriage. I personally feel she just writes her "real" life experiences and she should not be judged by that.
Cooking for many people is a way that one can take out frustration, sadness, hurt, and also it relieves an inner passion of love that one has with food. Something that not all people can relate to but it is a love that some of us have with music, dancing and any other passion in life.
I can relate to her love of food with my love with music and singing. Ever since I could even speak I started to make up my own silly songs and just sing about whatever came to my mind. In the car driving many miles to go visit my grandparents, or walking around the store with my mom, it seemed like all the time I was singing. As I grew up I was in chorus through out middle school and even high school. I feel if I really wanted to pursue this love and dream of mine I probably would have made it pretty far. But I went a different route with my life and started a family at a young age of 21 and my life blessed ever after.
Even though I had a huge supporting team with my family and friends telling me that I was a great singer, I had some critics as well who boosted down my self-esteem and got me thinking negatively about pursuing a career as a singer.
To this day even though I did not pursue a career in music, as a wife and a mother I instill my love and passion for music and singing with my two daughters. Both of them love to sing, my youngest more so, but they both know that no matter what anyone ever says negatively about their passion and love for something, to always let it go in one ear and out the other. Yes, it will hurt and tears will pour out like rain sometimes, but it's those hurtful words and remarks that make us stronger and thrive more for what we know is right on the inside.
No one in this world has the right to judge anyone. Look around people...No one is perfect except God and until the day that we are all at his court room, God is the only one who has the final word and can judge us all.

So, I say Keep up the good work Julie! To the world: Know we have the freedom in this country to speak out our minds. Even though not everyone will agree with what we have to say.
We all have the freedom of speech and the right of knowledge to know that.

Love, Peace & God Bless Everyone.

Life Goes On

Sat in bed last night around midnight with a ton of thoughts going on in my head. Going through my recent lay off and struggling financially has definitely put a damper on my life.

I guess I never realized just how good life really was when we were pulling in an additional 3000.00 a month while I was working, until now.

I would say I'm not a very materialistic person, I went so many years never knowing about computers, ipod's, brand new cell phones, new clothes, all the new technology basically.

Then I found myself finally on my own as a single mom with a really good career ahead of me and I was actually able to afford the finer things in life.

I felt that since I worked my butt off at work, why not spoil myself and my two daughters. I never had it while I was growing up and I want more than anything for my girls to grow up with as much knowledge of life, knowing the things they can have if they succeed and work hard for it.

So, I bought me name brand clothes, bags, shoes, accessories, etc. Got my hair done professionally every two months, mani's and pedi's every two weeks....and did the same with my girls and so on. My girls and I moved into a small home with a tiny monthly payment and just utilities to pay for, I took advantage of the spending.

But I made our lives happy and I couldn't have asked for more.

About a year after we moved into our little home, I met the man of my dreams!! He spoiled me even more financially and when I should have been saving my money, it was into my bank account and seconds later after the bills were paid, it was spent.

Thinking back, it wasn't the best lesson to be teaching my girls but I was caught up in the moment.

The company I was working for was the best job I've had in my life. I met great friends and was able to advance in my career with the help of my CFO. I went back to school to pursue my accounting degree, became a public notary and now that I had a new perfect romance in my life, it was the highlight of my past.

Myself along with many more were laid off because the company took a dive and ever since then, it has been a roller coaster looking for the best job. I somehow kept working on and off through a temp agency making great money and my boyfriend got a raise at work and worked as many hours as possible for us.

A year later, we got married, got our first home and have a house full of nice things. My life was heading in my dream come true world. We bought our first brand new vehicle's together, he had his own SUV and I had my own. Three months later, I was in a bad car accident and totalled my SUV. I was ok, thank the Lord, but the SUV was not. Fortunately after looking for a new SUV, I ended up with smaller car that I later on fell in love with. Both of us together we pulling in over 4-5 grand after taxes so we sat very comfortable.

Until, a year ago, I was hired at another great company. This time I had my own office, how much better can you get than that to start off; It was perfect.

After working with that company for a year, I started noticing things around me were falling apart. I was again laid off and after my husband's hours were cut and pay was cut back, we found ourselves in the biggest financial rut ever. We lost both vehicles, we're starting to get behind on the house payment, have bills up the wazoo that we just can NOT pay for and our marriage started getting a little rocky.

The best thing about any relationship is good communication. Which is the one thing that my husband and myself have. Since the day we met we just understood each other. One night after a huge fight about money and where we would end up at the next month, we made a pact never to fight about money. Even though now, I can not go and buy whatever I want, when I want, I have learned several things out of all of this.

My true friends, you know who you are, all the comments made to me about just having faith and staying positive have really helped. No matter what happens in my life, I know that having great friends and a wonderful family that are there makes all the hard times worth something in the end.

I am penny pinching now more than ever and it's been the hardest thing I have had to learn how to do but I am taking it as a growth and dedication.

My husband's work is picking up and he has his hours and almost his whole pay back. His work sold us one of their newer trucks, so we have another new vehicle. My parents have let us borrow their jeep until we can get another vehicle for me to drive but it gets me from point A to B and really that's all that matters. Our house payments are slowly getting paid off but we're getting them paid and everything else is slowly pulling right back together.

I find myself now thinking alot more positive and clearer about finances. You'd think being in accounting I would have known all about how things work financially, but we all live and learn.

Life goes on, right? Another lesson learned through all of this is that I'm not going through this alone.

If you are struggling financially, look around your hometown for help. Churches, Family Assistance, etc...there are so many people out there that can help.

If you are in Tucson surrounding areas:

Food Pantry- Abounding Grace

2450 S. Kolb Rd

520-747-3745

Rental/Utility Assistance & More - Tucson Urban League

http://www.tucsonurbanleague.com/

Other Assistance - Info & Referral

520-325-2111

If you have any questions, please ask me, I'll do what ever I can to help as well.