I'm usually a very positive, happy and upbeat kinda gal. When other people's worlds are caving in, I'm the one giving them my advice. Or going to be by their side for a shoulder to cry on or talk to.
Recently, I've wondered where all my True Friends really are. I don't just want someone to be there for me when I'm going through hard times..I want them to be there through my good times too. But it seems that I am alone in friendship.
My thought and words seem to be the only friend I have right now, so I need a shoulder to cry on..or a paper to pour out my inner tears on.
I just don't know how to feel anymore. I've tried thinking, "Be patient, good things will happen." Then something bad or unexpected happens and my family is right back where we started off. Poor, no food, no gas and no self confidence or self esteem.
I know we are all going through hard times right now and I should not be selfish in my ways of thinking...but I see around me people who say they have no money going on vacations, and buying new cars, which makes me feel lied to and betrayed.
I have burnt all my financial bridges with my family. They help me out and when it comes time for me to pay them back, again I have no money and I feel like I get buried into the deepest, darkest hole that I just can't seem to get out of.
You'd think that since my husband makes decent money that we are OK, when in reality, we are far from OK.
We are two months almost going on three late on our rent....Thank God that our landlord is a very patient man. Or I feel we would have been evicted a long time ago. Our electric is about it get shut off as well as our water.
Plus the other bills that we have that are just climbing to the sky, it worries me that the Holiday's are right around the corner. *tear* I just hate feeling this way and I my husband is probably feeling the weight on his shoulders as well. It just doesn't help me that I am stuck at home with more free time to sit around my house and let all this build up in my mind.
I have dreams that I just blink my eyes and all of our dreams come true. We buy a car, house, winter clothes for the kids, and soo much more that we just don't have.
Well I do have to be thankful for one thing. Thank the Lord for the Internet!! Even if I am stuck at home alone, this is the one thing that keeps me sane during the day. If all this means is not one person will read this posting, I will at least get the stress out of my mind and off my shoulders.
*deep breath*
*smile*
I do feel a little better already. Maybe by some miracle and the grace of God, something good will happen to our family and things will finally get better for us.
Stay strong, think positive, Pray
Words I always tell my friends when they need me, yet I find it so hard to do myself.
So yeah, know you're not alone in this, I think it's kind of based on the way we as a society have learned honestly. That is a story for a different day though.
ReplyDeleteAs far as electric and water goes, if you call them and set up some sort of reasonable payment arrangement with them they will NOT shut off anything, and it saves the reconnect fee. I just read up on that recently. Yes, it's true you're not the only one going through those times, and the people that are gonig on vacations and such are probably spending money they don't have letting other things go by the wayside. I know a few people who do that.
Things will get better, if you work at them, and sometimes you realize that your debt to income ratio is just extremely high and that's why you're unable to get things situated and you have to really start making the tough decisions. Trust me, just did those recently. I know you'll overcome it, you are optimistic, and have a good head on your shoulders. Sometimes though it's easier to see other's problems, rather than your own. I'm not necessarily saying that is the case here, but it's generally true. I wish you the best!
Sandra
Wow Steph.. I had no idea all this was going on... You are always so positve and upbeat I guess I assumed things were going good for you guys over there... Im really sorry that you are going thru this.. I know the feeling of helplessness... My dad has been out of work for 2 months now and he is the one that pays the morgage so I am stressin too.. Mario and I barely make enough to help witht he utilities.. Its hard.. I pray alot now.. funny I feel like I never pray untill I need something. But I have been doing my best just to at least thank God for all he does regardless if its something huge or not... Just to wake up everyday and be healthy is a wonderful feeling. I am here if you as a friend if you ever need me... I cant do much financialy but you have always been there when I really need someone and I will always do the same for you. I know it doesnt seem like it right now but there will be light in the future.. everything happens for a reason. Keep your head up!
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